Though I expected that I would be using this space as a way of coping with nicotine withdrawal, I found that doing so would have just been counter-productive. When I started talking about it with S or with friends, I noticed that my jones grew rather than subsided. So, the update is that today is my twelfth straight day without smoking.

One thing I would add: When S and I were talking about women smoking during pregnancy, she said she couldn’t imagine how hard it would be to try to quit at the same time you’re going through all of the other first trimester symptoms. I told her that it wouldn’t be hard at all. Stopping and ridding one’s self of the nicotine addiction is not that hard if you really want to do it. The difficult part of quitting is staying quit.

I’ve quit now three times, ridding my body of nicotine on each occasion. Both times before this one, obviously, I’ve slid back into it because I thought I could be that ideal smoker, someone who smokes one or two times a month, no more than two or three at a time. I just don’t think that can ever happen for me.

Hopefully, this time I’ve got a reason to stay a quitter.

S and I met in college. We haven’t been together the whole time since, but did date for nearly two years at Berkeley.

During that time, I stopped smoking for two days, because S found it annoying. I was courting her, and thought it might impress her. Once I successfully wooed her, I went right back to smoking.

She asked me once if I ever planned to quit, more of a general question than any kind of a nag. I thought about it, and told her that I liked it too much to make any concrete plans. But, once it was no longer just me that I was affecting with my habit, I supposed I would have to quit. I told her that I would quit when my significant other became pregnant.

Well, S is now pregnant, and I must fulfill that promise, to her and to myself.

I have quit before, once for over a year. The hardest part to overcome is the first three days, and I must plan for them accordingly. So, while it will not be tomorrow, I will start soon. My plan is to start lowering my intake over the next few days, and then find a suitable nicotine substitute to ease off the cigarettes. I also plan to use this space to help me cope, so if reading about one smoker’s attempts to overcome an addiction bores you, I would suggest that you check back in 5 or 6 weeks when this is no longer my primary focus.

And, why, you may ask, would I be using this space as a coping mechanism? Because this New Year’s resolution, that I effectively made over 15 years ago, is #45 – Quit Smoking.