As I mentioned in a previous post, we stayed with our friends Simon and Simone when we were in England. Simon is an MD and scientist, and, as such, is a professional skeptic. Talking with him about some of these subjects is a bit daunting, as he also has two children, and therefore has been both a parent and a skeptic for far longer than I.
When discussing parenting, and especially skeptical parenting, I was perhaps a little more guarded than I am with other friends. Fear of looking like an idiot was certainly part of it, but it was mostly because I know I can learn more by listening than by talking. Being around someone who has more experience at something can be enlightening; being challenged inevitably makes you better.
But, when we left Oxford and headed to London, I found that my reluctance to speak about my skepticism did not stay in Oxford. In fact, my reluctance to join in many conversations was heightened around friends with whom I normally would banter freely.
Never one to shy away from introspection, I ruminated on what might be causing this change in my behavior. When I stumbled on it, I was a little troubled by what I determined was the root of this reluctance: my status as a stay-at-home dad.
I have not talked about this much here. There are many other SAHD blogs, all of which address the subject better than I could. I have never really felt it was relevant to this blog. But, after the trip to England, it was no longer something I could ignore.
At the core, I felt as though I no longer had anything to add to a conversation. All of our friends had kids, and since my life was currently centered around raising our daughter, what could I say that they didn’t already know, hadn’t already experienced for themselves? When talking about the blog, I felt like I was being humored, like a child showing off his drawings.
Of course, none of our friends actually treated me this way. And when I was working for a paycheck, I never felt this way about other stay-at-home parents; if anything, I envied them. For some reason, though, I was projecting something on to everyone else, struggling with my own worries about how society perceives me because I left my job to stay at home with my child.
Now, all of this was not quite so well-constructed in my mind when we left the UK. It was more of an irritating nag just above my subconsciousness. But, it all came out, fully-formed like Athena from Zeus’ forehead, when, of all things, I won a contest.
Next Post: The Story Consultant
(cross-posted at domestic father)